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Disclaimer: I don’t own anything. I don’t know who does bout it certainly isn’t me. Please don’t sue. All you’ll get anyway is a binder full of fan fiction and a whack of taped videos.
Note: Not sure which season this is for. You can decide it just has to have Daniel in it. Hope you like it.
Characters: Daniel Jackson, Jack Neill, Sam Carter and Teal’c
Body Switch
Chapters One - Three
Chapter One- A Bored Jack Equals Disaster
The team walked slowly toward a large building in the middle of a barren land and further away from the Stargate much to O’Neill’s disappointment. The planet designated PVR-233 was a desert area. No trees or other vegetation could be seen along the horizon. It was dusty and hot. Oh so very hot. The Sg-1 team had been ready to leave when Daniel had spotted the building and of course being his usual annoying self had wanted to examine it.
Colonel Jack O’Neill grumbled and cursed General Hammond for the fiftieth time. General Hammond had ordered Jack to allow Daniel to check out anything they found on the barren plant and they couldn’t leave until he did. Unfortunately that meant he couldn’t pull rank and make them leave. He was just about to complain about the heat coming from the planets triple suns when they came to the front of the building.
“This place is amazing.” Daniel said as they lost him to the artifacts, writing and general beauty the building held.
The building itself seemed to be made entirely out of gold and silver. It held no windows and only one door. Suspiciously enough though there was no dust anywhere and for a building that had been left unattended for thousands of years that was strange.
Chapter Two - The Switch
Jack O’Neill groaned as he opened his eyes or at least what he thought were his eyes. He had the distinct feeling that something was wrong but he couldn’t figure out what. His answer soon came as he looked around the room to make sure the others were okay. Jack found that the room was vastly out of focus. “What the…” he thought but stopped soon as he came upon a scene that made his blood freeze.
Jack saw himself climbing slowly to his feet. Now Jack was thoroughly confused. When he came upon Sam he asked if she was all right. He needed to see if anyone else saw what he was seeing or if he was just nuts. “Sam, you okay?”he asked and then froze once again. That was not his voice it was…no it couldn’t be. Could it?
He slowly took a deep breath and looked himself over. Jack O’Neill whimpered at what he discovered but he would have denied it to the end. There was no way possible he was in Daniel Jackson’s body.
The group staggered toward each other and was soon sitting in a semi circle all looking toward what they thought was Daniel. The rest of the team had yet to discover their predicament. Jack was getting nervous.
“Why are you all staring at me?”He asked although he knew why. Daniel was always the one they’d look at if an artifact did something, as it was usually his fault. He would also know what it did.
The group excluding Jack all gasped grandly, as they focused clearly on the people sitting before them in shock. The fog had been lifted from their eyes and they all knew they weren’t where they were supposed to be.
“What’s going on? What happened?”Sam asked and was surprised to find that it was Teal’c voice she was hearing.
Daniel Jackson spoke up, slowly. “It seems that the artifact swapped our bodies around.”
“Indeed,” was all Teal’c said from Jack’s body. Teal’c seemed to be having trouble sitting still.
Sam looked over at Daniel or rather herself and said “Okay so how do we get back into our own bodies?”
Daniel shrugged. “I don’t know. I’m going to have to examine the box more clearly. There are words written on it but I can’t translate them yet.”
Suddenly there was a loud crash from one of the corners of the room. All eyes turned toward the sound. Jack was lying on the floor in a heap. He had knocked over the pedestal the box had been perched on. “Jesus, Daniel. You are blind.” He said aloud to himself.
“Hey.” Daniel said defensively. “My eyes aren’t that bad and besides that’s what glasses are for. They’re in my pocket.” He said motioning toward his vest with Sam’s arm.
Teal’c spoke as Jack donned the glasses and sighed as he could now see things clearly. “I believe we should go back to SGC. We would be safer there. Daniel Jackson could also begin on translating the box.”
They all agreed although it seemed a little odd to hear Jack sounding like Teal’c. Sg-1 made their way to the Stargate slowly. When they reached it Daniel dialed home and they all stepped through the standing water as many people referred to the portal as.
General Hammond looked at Sg-1 confused. He had not expected them to be back for another couple of hours at least. ”The planet was barren then?” he asked Jack or well Jack’s body anyway. The General’s confusion grew when Daniel answered him.
“Nope. There was one building there. Had a rock in it.”
The General’s brow furrowed, he was thoroughly confused and his confusion only seemed to grow. “Something’s wrong. Daniel would never refer to an artifact as a rock. Only Jack…” Hammond’s trail of thought ended right there. He didn’t want to even go there. Unfortunately he didn’t realize that he would be forced to go there real soon.
“Alright. Then shouldn’t you be there examining the building?” he asked the team.
“We have done that General Hammond.” Teal’c said from Jack’s body.
Sam spoke next. “Something happened that led to the predicament we are now in. We thought it better to come back.” As she said this she sent a glare over to Jack. She knew he hit Daniel with the rock. It was his fault this was happening.
Hammond nodded and spoke slowly. “All right. Now what exactly would that predicament be?”
Sam or rather Daniel spoke “The artifact fell and hit the ground.” He paused deliberately leaving the bit about the rock out. “When it hit the ground we were all blinded by a light and knocked unconscious.”
The General nodded. He still didn’t know why they were acting like each other. Teal’c spoke next but the General still thought it was Jack. “When we awoke things were not as they were before.”
Jack cut in before Teal’c could continue. “Yeah. We’re in each other’s bodies!”
General Hammond starred at the group for a moment and then began to laugh. Sg-1 frowned they knew he did not believe them. “This is a joke right?”When he received no answer he immediately sobered up. They were not joking he realized slowly. “All right. Then who is who?”
The team sighed and began to speak. “I’m Jack,” said Jack from Daniel’s body.
“I’m Sam.” Sam said with Teal’c voice.
Daniel sighed from Sam’s body. For some reason he wasn’t feeling very well. Even if you considered what had happened. “I’m Daniel.”
The General spoke. “Okay. Then you are obviously Teal’c.” He said pointing toward Jack. When he received a nod he continued. “You are all to go see Janet.” When there was a collective groan he spoke again. “We don’t know if this body switch has any side effects.”
Sg-1 slowly walked toward the infirmary. They knew that they would have to explain everything once again. As they walked Sam kept starring at herself/Daniel with the feeling that she was forgetting something but she couldn’t figure out what.
Chapter Three - Trouble for Daniel or What Sam forgot
Dr. Fraser sat in her office pouring over the test results of Sg-1. She couldn’t find anything wrong, not that she wanted there to be but there had to be some sort of explanation. It was still hard to believe that what was happening was real but she had no doubt in her mind it was. Daniel acted like a complete idiot and wouldn’t hold still or stop complaining; Jack was the only person to ever act like that.
“Anything we should worry about Dr. Fraser?” came a voice from the doorway, startling her and interrupting her train of thought.
“No General Hammond.”She replied when she looked up. “Sg-1 is in perfect health. There is absolutely nothing wrong with them besides the fact that they are in each other’s bodies.”
General Hammond let out a relived sigh and nodded. “At least there are no repercussions and they are okay...well mostly anyway.” He thought as he left Janet’s office. Little did he know that one member of Sg-1 was certainly not all right.
~~
Daniel Jackson sat in his office staring at his reflection in the mirror. It was still a little un-nerving to be looking at himself but seeing Sam. He need to figure out what had happened and how. “Wait, scratch that.” He thought as he pondered it. “I already know how, Jack and his stupid rock.”
At the thought of that he unconsciously rubbed his backside where the rock had connected. Almost immediately he stopped and jerked his hand away from the offending area. This was not his body. He had just touched Sam’s butt. Blushing even though there wasn’t much of a reason to he tried to concentrate on the writings.
Not long later Daniel groaned and put his/Sam’s head on the table. He felt like crap and couldn’t concentrate. He also found himself craving chocolate and not coffee and that was bugging him. Everything was just way too weird. With another groan he went back to attempting to translate the writing on the box.
After failing yet again a while later Daniel gave up. He left his office passing confused members of the SGC along that way. Daniel decided he would go and find Sam. To him it was the perfect solution: her body…she would now what was wrong with it. At least Daniel assumed something was wrong with it when he started felling cramps.
~~
Sam like Daniel couldn’t concentrate on anything. The thing she was forgetting was driving her nuts and she couldn’t even remember what it was. Life was not fair. Looking down at herself she shuddered. “This is too weird.” She thought.
Sam desperately wanted a distraction from being stuck in Teal’c’s body and to her amazement one came. Daniel walked in and flung himself into one of the chairs. “Wait not Daniel..Jack, this could be real confusing.”She thought.
“Did you want something Colonel?”
Jack shook his/Daniel’s head. “Not really Major.” Sam said nothing and silence took over the room for what felt like forever. Jack took a deep breath. “Actually Sam there was one thing.”
Sam looked over at Jack in confusion it was not too often he called her Sam. “Shoot.”
“I need you help in coming up with an adequate punishment for some airmen on this base.”
Sam furrowed her/Teal’c’s brow in confusion. “Okaaay sir..may I ask what they have done?”
Jack nodded Daniel’s head. “Yeah, most don’t know about the change and I have found myself becoming aware of just how much crap Daniel has gone through on this base. Frankly the Marines and some others need to know just who out ranks them; military or not. Don’t you think Carter?”
“Yeah, I’ll see what if I can’t help you come up with an adequate lesson.”Sam said as she fiddled with a piece of machinery.
They plotted for a little while, until a major though his Sam. “Oh, my god!!”Sam dropped what she was fiddling with.
Jack looked at her funny. “What?”
Sam didn’t say anything but grabbed her purse and ran out the door. Jack stared after her for a moment before shrugging and leaving.
No matter how weird Sam found being in Teal’c’s body was nothing compared to how everyone in the halls felt. For those who didn’t know about the switch- which was pretty much everyone - saw Teal’c running through the halls with a pink purse tucked under his arm.
Sam was so intent on finding Daniel she didn’t notice the looks she was getting. She also failed to notice Daniel - her own body - in front of her. Sam ploughed right over Daniel.
Daniel crashed to the ground with a groan. Looking up he focused on Teal’c’s looming body; trying to remember who was actually residing in Teal’c’s body.
“Sam, you know you just gave yourself a couple of bruises don’t you?” Daniel said as he got off the floor, dusting himself or rather herself off.
Sam grimaced. “Yeah, I’m going to feel that later too. Or whenever I get my body back. Speaking of feelings how are you feeling Daniel?”
Daniel’s (Sam’s) eyebrows furrowed in suspicion. He could tell by the way Teal’c’s body kept fidgeting the Sam was nervous. “Not all the great. Why?”He replied slowly.
Choosing to ignore Daniel’s tone of voice Sam continued. “Tell me exactly how you are feeling.” For a second Sam thought about taking this to her lab but decided against it. It was safer for her out here - where there were people.
Daniel was still suspicious but decided to go along with it for now. “I’ve got a headache, I can’t concentrate very well and I keep getting pains here.” Daniel motioned toward his/Sam’s abdominal area.
Sam grimaced again. “Those are camps Daniel.”She kept her voice low and began leading Daniel to her lab.
Daniel stopped dead in his tracks when they had reached the entrance. “Wait a minute…just wait one moment. Tell me you’re not going where I think you are going. I-I mean it’s just no possible.”By the end Daniel was practically yelling and most definitely flipping out.
“Daniel you’re in my body. It’s very possible and I’m sorry but I’ve got to go there.” Sam said flatly. Daniel wasn’t taking the news very well - not that she had really expected him to.
“No way, no happening. Sorry wrong number, please try again. Why do these things always happen to me?”
“What things Dannyboy?” A new voice asked from behind Sam. Both Sam and Daniel turned around to find Jack standing there with an amused expression on his/Daniel’s face.
Normally Daniel would have found the prospect of being in someone else’s body or seeing someone else in his body for that matter intriguing. Today however was anything but normal. Daniel’s mood did a sudden 180 and he advanced on Jack extremely pissed.
“This is all your fault. If you hadn’t thrown the stupid rock I never would have dropped the box and wouldn’t be having to go through this!!”
Jack did a very unwise thing…he laughed. “Go through what, Danny?”
“Sam’s period!!” Daniel roared, pointing to Sam who actually had Teal’c’s body blushing.
People who had been witness to the conversation were snickering and Jack was laughing hysterically. Daniel growled. “You know if you weren’t in my body I’d hit you Jack.”
Jack only continued laughing as Sam physically forced the two into her lab. When they were in there Daniel ended up smacking Jack anyway.
“Hey!” Jack exclaimed. “PMSing are we Daniel?”
Sam shook her head. “Sir, I would not push him if I were you.”
“Why not Carter?”
Sam answered while opening a bottle of Midol™ and shaking out two pills. “Because that’s my body and it’s on a very short fuse right now.”To Daniel she said. “Take these.”
Daniel grumbled but took the pills for her and took them. Suddenly an uncomfortable thought can to him. “Uh...Sam shouldn’t I…” He trailed off and looked over to Jack.
Sam, realizing Daniel’s discomfort turned to Jack. “Sir, could you leave please. Have some private things to discuss with Daniel.”
Jack snickered but left without hassle. Probably because with Sam in Teal’c’s body it would really hurt if she decided to make him leave.
When he door shut Sam pulled what Daniel had been dreading out of her purse - a pad. “I had one on earlier but…”
“Yeah, Yeah.” Daniel said, wanting to get it over with as soon as possible. He grabbed the pad and stalked off to the washroom attached to Sam’s lab.
Sam called out to Daniel just as he reached the door. “Do you need help?” The glare Daniel sent over his shoulder could have melted ice. Once he slammed the door Sam went over and waited beside it.
“I give him 30 seconds.” Jack called out from the doorway. He had decided any physical pain he might endure was worth it, he couldn’t pass this up.
Sam looked at Jack and sighed. “Just leave him alone, sir. “
“Why?”
“Because he doesn’t need you bugging him. He’s got enough to take and do or did you forget it’s up to him to fix this?”
“So?”
Sam sighed exasperated but had no time to say anything else. It was at this moment Daniel gave up and yelled. “Sam!!”
Before going in Sam gave Jack a stern glare that clearly said ‘Not a word.’ After she closed the door behind her Sam looked at Daniel. She was surprised to find him sitting on the toilet lid tears in his eyes.
“You can’t possibly tell me it’s going to hurt this friggin’ bad for the entire time?”
Sam nodded sympathetically and said. “I’m afraid so. I get really bad cramps Daniel let the medication work. Do you need help?”
Daniel shook his/Sam’s head. “No I got it. Jack’s out there isn’t he?”
Sam only nodded. Daniel sighed and motioned to the door. “After you.”
Exiting the washroom they were surprised to find Jack sitting in a chair looking apologetic. “Sorry.” He said.
Daniel looked at Jack suspiciously but accepted the apology and the chocolate bar Jack offered.
Suddenly Jack said. “Why didn’t you tell me?”
“Tell you what?” Daniel asked confused.
“About the Marines and the others.”
Daniel sighed. “Just leave it alone Jack, please.”
“Why? Daniel you shouldn’t have to deal with that.”
Daniel snorted. “Why not? I’ve dealt with that all my life. Now please just drop it.” With that he left Sam’s lab.
Jack looked to his/her retreating form and said. “Fine, for now anyway.”
“Sir, I think I’ve come up with the perfect thing.” Sam said as she sat down.
Jack spun his chair around to face her. “Really? Do tell.”
TBC